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15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance

evabadon:

"when women wear makeup they’re basically lying to us" well i don’t see why i’m being blamed for a man stupid enough to really think i have red and gold eyelids

(via pizza)

wanksclub:

my life is pretty much when you throw something on your bed and it bounces until it falls on the floor

(Source: wanksclub, via pizza)